change and adapt

I swore to not watch emergency couple on Mondays and instead on later part of the week so there is ample time to actually catch the drama. But I can't because I have so much free time in my hands. And now, I can't wait for the next episode as per normal. But chief gook is sooooo cute and full of charisma and omg there is an inner angel in him eventhough he is a devil, and that makes him so handsome. I really can't you see. He secretly cared for jinhee somewhat and that makes it even better especially when he look at her from the table across with those endearing eyes. I swear I love this drama. And Gary's cameo is tooooo short!!! But chief gook's look towards jinhee make up for it heh.

Well the weeks passed by. I want to work for money but job opportunities in the papers and net is darn boring. So I decided to just not work but I am so desperate to work. Thinking about school. In a big poly and all sorts of stuffs. Finding new friends and such. I don't know how to cope with that. Being me, I find it so hard to even say hi or smile or whatever without feeling awkward. I'm so scared. And 3 years is already hard enough. It feels like being sec 1 all over again only this time, I'm a youth. And youth are expected to be more mature and more sociable. I won't have my best of friends with me in the same school and that sucks. And to make matter worst, mass communications is not my cup of tea you see. Just the other day I was accompanying my mother to the eye clinic. Seeing the optometrist doing their thing, I regretted again. And all those regrets came back. Not putting in much effort so on so forth. And mother had to rub it all in. That was my field of interest. Not media related stuffs.

That aside. Ree had her 18th at this rather cool hotel in Clarke Quay, got lost. Place filled with bars. I've never felt so sinned in my life just walking down the street. Purchased a second hand polaroid and havent tried it out. Need films dang it. Felt so sick while walking back to the mrt, felt so weak. I don't know whether it was the effect of the meds I was taking since I had flu or the smoke by the group makes me feel that way. I have this hatred for people smoking around me. Because the last time I had that much smoke inhale was at town and that makes me feel nauseous and that also makes me feel like blacking out and I'm not kidding. I wish people would realized the real deal with cigarettes. If they could see what they are doing to their body, I mean one will not wanna touch the stick ever. I wish the people I love in my life will take my grandfather as a lesson about smoking. Just recently or maybe it was only just now, I was reading my cousin's blog and scrolled past all her past posts till 2007 and got to know that my grandfather had stage 4 brain cancer and also lung cancer. And all these while, I thought it was only lung. That sucks. I was only 11, so I didn't know much. If only I knew how serious his condition was, maybe, just maybe, I would have cherish every single moment with him. Even if it was in the hospital by his bed and just staring at his face sleeping.

You've been missed.
But never forgotten
I wish we had more time together
I miss you
Even after 6 years.