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Its that time of the year again. Here I am reflecting what I've done for the past year, 2013. Have I been good? Have I accomplished anything? Is there any regrets? A lot of things going through my mind.

2013 in short, is just a year that make me realized how a person could change within a short span of time. I will not elaborate into details because I really just wanna forget about such incidents.

2013 is also the year I experienced a lot of drama prior to sitting for my examinations this year. A lot. Like battling with depression, sadness, friendship problems, grades and school.

2013 is the year where I've lost some friends. The year that makes me realized who are my true friends or atleast those who would be there for me.

2013 is a bullshit year. With my declining grades and the amount of times I skipped school because I was late. But I do take initiative to actually come to school because of my friends but yknow somewhere along you just can't be bothered anymore because some friends just couldn't care less about your presence anymore.

2013 is the year I experience hardship because of my failure in my examinations that won't go away. Kept failing for every test or exams and now I'm not even confident enough for my results released in mid-january. Will I do well? I doubt so.

I have a lot of regrets in 2013. But I'll take that as something that taught me to be braver. For instance, I tried dancing in front of an audience which is my fellow schoolmates. I've never done that in fact I swore to never do that but I beat the odds and did it. Up till today, I'm still embarrassed about it. I want to kill myself for doing such things because its that embarrassing for me. Another regret would be not studying way earlier for my Os. Maybe if I had started my revision, my knowledge would be more rigid in the exams. Then maybe I don't have to struggle with everything. I regretted that the most. I also regretted for giving up on my weight loss. Maybe if I didn't give up, I would have lost maybe around 15kg? Maybe. But hey in 3 months, I've lost 7kgs and that's amazing to me. But because everything was in the way, I didn't have anymore time to go to the stadium to run. Everyone was also busy with the upcoming tests too. Practically, we are all busy.

Another regret would be being too caring for someone undeserving for your kindness. I hate thinking about this. I want to forget about this incident but since I'm penning down my regrets for 2013, might as well reminisce such things. Many would say "you call that being caring?". Yes, being someone like me, its really hard for me to express myself what more showing it to someone how much I care. I am an introvert. I keep to myself. But what would you feel if you've been that quiet, quiet enough to actually let someone step on your head? I wouldn't feel good and thats exactly what I did. Not feel good. What would you do if you've been friends for years and suddenly, all of a sudden, things changed because of one person's presence? I hate it. In fact, I really really hate it. But I didn't say anything. I tried to understand but then it comes to a point where you can't contain it anymore. So you started to care less. Everyone around me will always ask "where is ____?". Well all I really feel like replying back was "WHY DONT YOU ASK ____". I was always pissed if anyone come by asking me about someone. I hate it. I started caring less. I've stopped taking things to be passed to her because it was all useless, she isn't coming to school, she don't even take some of the things I kept for her. So why bother? I go around telling everyone how much I don't even care anymore. All I ever wanted for her was to come to school because it sucks to not have any friends in school. Because she was the one that I leaned on whenever I'm in school. Because I hated what happens to our friendship, I resort to blocking everyone on twitter and just isolate myself because I hate seeing tweets that angers me. I thought I was okay but suddenly everything erupts. It was when a friend told me about her tweets that both angered and saddens me. Because at that point of time, I realized how unworthy I was as a friend in her eyes that she did not realized what I have done to her all these while. How I pushed aside my ego to at least understand her situation. But then everything crumbles in that instance I read such things.

I will always remember how the weather was like, where I was and with who was with me. And at that moment, I realized that the ones that stayed by me were the people I despised actually. I am someone who is hard to shed tears. But when I do, it must've been really hurtful. So I actually broke down. I crumbled like some worthless piece of shit. I've never cried in front of anyone and I will never do it ever.