doing this to myself again

Back after almost a year

School is ending in a weeks time. Honestly I can't wait. It's been such a taxing semester, I really can foresee how Year 2 would be like. HELL.

Anyway, been not feeling certain emotions but sometimes when I see your name appear on my timeline, I'll get reminded of everything that happens. The other night, I was cleaning my drawer and chanced upon my old diary and read it and it was about you. And here's the conclusion:

I put myself in a series of denial for 2 months before I accept the fact that I like you. When I wanted to let the feelings get hold of me, when I thought we could be 'real' friends, you disappeared. You fucking disappeared and I think for once I was really heartbroken. I spent days, and then it turned to weeks and now years to find out what I have done that drove you away from my life at that fateful day. To think about it, your actions were intentional. There was absolute no reason for you to give me a poker face or not smile at me when you see me in the corridor. You smiled/joked with all my friends but when I passed by, you turn sour. So what happened? I don't know. I'll never know why it happened. I still remember most of the details. I remember dreaming about you on a daily basis. I remember your eyes. Your voice. Surprisingly, your touch. I wished I was your friend for real. I don't even know if I am your friend. I'll never will. You're like a chapter in my book whereas I'm just a page or perhaps a paragraph. I still think about you every now and then and I really wish I could reconnect with you. The flame is still there, its not dying.

I want you to come back and be part of my life because honestly, you would be a great friend.