Thanks for the mocks

I've never felt this down before. This is too muchzz I hate my bro, stupid asshole.

Whenever relative see me or bump into me will comment on me will mock me, hai u only lowering my self esteem, thank u. And you'll never know how much it really hurts to even see your ugly self in pictures/videos. Tears welling up in my eyes now as I type. Super feeling worthless/useless/ugly/empty. Everything. I wasn't wish to born this way k, I was born already fat and ugly. Look at me, curly hair, fucking small nose, small lips, ugly panda eyes, fat, no fashion sense. Feel like distaning myself away from people. Sometimes I wonder how do I look like in other peoples eyes. And do you think I like it this way? NO.

I wna be skinny. Well shall starve myself now, I won't eat I swear. And aishi's comment on my post at twitter really make me bust out in tears, really can't hold it in anymore. And why do skinny people usually call themselves fat? Its like whenever i'm around my friends who are wayy skinnier then me and when they say they are fat, I personally think they are like somehow mocking me. Sorry that's me. Everyone is mocking me. Thanksssss alot. Really hate this. Totally demoralized me to the max, feel like I'm nothing.

I wonder why can't god take my life away when I'm young? I know its a sin to think it that way but I can't help it and just say it. Growing up in this society really screwed me up, societys standard on girls are different. Girls must be skinny and they are beautiful. ._. And whenever I passed by shops which have mannequin, I always wonder why must it be a skinny mannequin. Felt mocked totally.

I swear I will starve myself everyday. This is a promise.

And now thank u suicidal is in my mind. Thank u. But I know I won't do it